I Did it Again

Guest post by Denise Morales

I did it again! I know I shouldn't have done it. I though I was over it. I have come so far and yet I felt so discouraged. I felt a failure. I hit a road block--a brick wall. My daughter needs a car and help purchasin one and I have such little money. In spite of my efforts to save: clipping coupons,  no credit card bills, and bargain hunting. Still, the savings account is still insuffieient.

If I were a recovering alcoholic, I would have a drink; if I were a drug addict, I might relapse, but I am neither of these--my sin of choice is--overeating! To descibe myself as a glutton seems fooolish. Sure I'm about ten lbs. overweight, maybe even fifteen, and after tongiht, well, maybe even more. Obesity is not the only sign of gluttony. There are some overeaters who lapse and have little weight gain.

It's almost 2 a.m. and I have heartburn. My teeth feel like they are sugar coated. I was using food to alleviate my frustration. It is a poor substitute. I feel childish and ashamed. At 56, I should have known better. What was I looking for in everything I ate: the death by chocolate, the low fat crackers, the bag of popcorn, the pizza, the bag of ornage slice and gumdrops, which did me in!

I couldn't find what I was looking for in these. I felt like garbage--my sugar rush kicked me in the stomach. I was a bad role model to my two children, teen girls no less.Oh I took full resonsiibility for all those wasted caloires and stored them instead of vomitting them, but it still doesn't justify any of it.

So what did I do? First I recognized it as sin--inspite of the reasons for doing it. I put garbage in God's temple which is obvious enough. However, my greatest weakness was to give in to discouragement . I did not trust God to provide. I cried today as I looked at my eighteen year old daughter through a dirty window working in a used clothing store to pay for her college books. It is sad that she has to work her way though community college with the brains she has. Yet, I was happy that she was a hard worker, a smart girl who was not afraid to work for a living. I only wish I could have helped her--but I ate instead.

I had to trust God to meet her needs, whether she sees His hand at work or not. I had to trust Him to be her provider. I had to expect God to do for her what I could not do. All the food I consumed did nothing but show me my lack of trust and faith! One of his names is Jehovah Jirah, my provider. He will provide everything I need. I'm running into His loving arms and asking for forgiveness and help to trust Him more each day.