The importance of Forgiveness, Excerpt from Letters to God on a Prodigal Son and Book Launch Tues. Nov. 8th

• Today, November 8th is the big launch day for Letters to God on a Prodigal Son—Overcoming Addiction Through Prayer. Addiction is prevalent in our society today and the prayer of faith has the power to destroy the plans of the enemy. If you are considering purchasing this book, today is your best day to buy Letters to God, on a Prodigal Son and receive many FREE gifts from her partners and a chance to win FREE gift cards! Here’s how: http://www.anitaestes.com/landing-page.html

One of the themes through the book, Letters to God on a Prodigal Son is forgiveness. At first I was angry with God and had to forgive him for allowing my son to become addicted. Here’s a prayer from the beginning on the book: Please forgive me for being angry with You (God) and saying that You didn’t answer my prayers. I know Ben made his own choices. You are not responsible for his addiction. He’s stubborn and wants to do things his own way.


Later, I asked the Lord for forgiveness for my part in my son’s addiction: Father, forgive me for anything that I did in his life to cause this. He was so sensitive. I tried to understand, but I lost my temper sometimes raising three children. Please forgive me for sins known and unknown. Take this broken heart of mine; heal it one piece at a time. You have given me a difficult load to bear. First, I dealt with these problems with my husband, now my son.

I waffled back and forth because forgiveness is a continual process.

At times, I relapsed into what I call the blame game. Here’s an excerpt from Lessons Learned: This was a very painful time for me. I tried to see things from God’s perspective and have faith, but then I’d lapse into blaming everyone for Ben’s problems: myself, my husband, our family gene pool, Ben’s stupidity and even God at times. Yet in these months I cried out to God more and more. Even though this wasn’t the end of my son’s problems, it was the end of myself—my pride, self-reliance, judgmental attitudes and self-righteousness. And so, though it was the worst of times, it was also the best of times.

I often cried out to the Lord to forgive both me and my son: Look upon his (Ben’s) affliction and trouble and forgive all his sins” (Psalm 25:18—parenthetical material mine).

“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You” (Psalm 36:5).

God is always willing to forgive us when we mess up. The hard part is admitting it, but it feels great when we do. That’s one of the great benefits of having a personal relationship with Jesus—you can confess your sins, and you don’t need to feel guilty any more.



Warning Signs of Drug Addiction and Suggestions

Excerpt from Letters to God on a Prodigal Son

Suggestions: Discussing issues and holding your prodigal accountable for their actions and whereabouts is very important. Since I didn’t grow up around alcohol or drugs, I didn’t know the warning signs: change of friends, depression, mood swings, financial problems, problems in school, lack of interest in previous pursuits, etc. On the other hand, when I talked to a drug and alcohol counselor regarding this, she said it’s difficult when your child is an adolescent to determine the difference between normal teenage behavior as opposed to the beginning of an addiction. Though I feel I could have been more aware of what was beginning to develop in Ben’s life, I’m glad I spent time in prayer, which I believe is one of the most powerful weapons we have against battling addictions and many other problems and issues.

Scriptures and Promises:  During this time, fear and doubt haunted me. I continually talked to God and tried to hold on to some promises. My stomach flip-flopped, though I believed God could work on Ben and put him on the right path. These verses helped me from falling into despair:

• “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3). This was a far cry from the actual situation, but I was learning, step by step, to trust God and believe He would eventually transform this terrible mess into something good.  It took a lot of time in prayer before I could feel at peace with myself and God.

• “God works all things together for good for those who are called according to his purposes” (Romans 8:28). Though I wavered in this belief, I always came back to it. No matter what Ben went though, God could work it out for good. The problem was: would Ben allow God to work in his life? I hoped so.

• “And my God shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory” (Philippians 4:19). God’s supplies are abundant, and I called upon Him day and night to get me through this emotional time and to keep me from getting really depressed.

• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5).This was one of my all time favorite verses, and it helped me to stay sane when I just didn’t understand why Ben was making such a major mistake in his life.

Promises to stand on in time of crisis

Here is an excerpt from Letters to God, on a Prodigal Son--Overcoming Addiction Through Prayer


Lessons Learned: Ben struggled to stop drinking and smoking pot whenever he was away from home. He did better when living at home and quit for months at a time, but my husband and I weren’t aware that he had problems with addiction. Ben was good at covering things up. He never smoked pot or drank at home. Once I found some white powder in his room, and my husband had it analyzed, but it turned out to be baking soda from chemistry class. I felt stupid for suspecting that it was cocaine.

 Suggestions: Discussing issues and holding your prodigal accountable for their actions and whereabouts is very important. Since I didn’t grow up around alcohol or drugs, I didn’t know the warning signs: change of friends, depression, mood swings, financial problems, problems in school, lack of interest in previous pursuits, etc. On the other hand, when I talked to a drug and alcohol counselor regarding this, she said it’s difficult when your child is an adolescent to determine the difference between normal teenage behavior as opposed to the beginning of an addiction. Though I feel I could have been more aware of what was beginning to develop in Ben’s life, I’m glad I spent time in prayer, which I believe is one of the most powerful weapons we have against battling addictions and many other problems.

Scriptures and Promises:  During this time, fear and doubt haunted me. I continually talked to God and tried to hold on to some promises. My stomach flip-flopped, though I believed God could work on Ben and put him on the right path. These verses helped me from falling into despair:

•  “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3). This was a far cry from the actual situation, but I was learning, step by step, to trust God and believe He would eventually transform this terrible mess into something good.  It took a lot of time in prayer before I could feel at peace with myself and God.

• “God works all things together for good for those who are called according to his purposes” (Romans 8:28). Though I wavered in this belief, I always came back to it. No matter what Ben went though, God could work it out for good. The problem was: would Ben allow God to work in his life? I hoped so.

• “And my God shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory” (Philippians 4:19). God’s supplies are abundant, and I called upon Him day and night to get me through this emotional time and to keep me from getting really depressed.
• “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5).This was one of my all time favorite verses, and it helped me to stay sane when I just didn’t understand why Ben was making such a major mistake in his life

Surrendering All

Ben’s Story

When I was about fourteen, I started smoking pot and drinking. It started out as very occasional use to experiment with and be accepted by my peers. Then, it turned into a habit that hooked me. I started drinking more when I was twenty-one and using some coke. At first I said I would never buy the stuff and only let people give it to me. As with the marijuana, the coke use started slowly, but over a few years it grew into a full blown habit. It messed up my life really badly. I lived the street life when I knew I didn’t have to be living like that.

When I was going to college in Florida, I left my apartment to go live in a gang house where there were shootings, and I slept on the floor with roaches crawling all over me. In the worst of my addiction, I was at the mercy of drug dealers to drive them around for my next fix. I still continued to believe Satan’s lie that sin was better than God’s goodness.

Coke opened the door for crack. Even during my coke use, I thought I would never use crack because it’s “seriously dirty.” I left the door ajar for Satan though, and crack crept in. There was a girl in my apartment complex who wanted to use crack at my place, and I was hesitant at first. I then let her. After being down on coke one day, she said I should use her crack, and I did. I got hooked on that too. As marijuana did a few years earlier, it caused me to have to leave college. I knew I needed to leave the situation in Florida so I moved back to New York and got clean for a while. Though, I didn’t truly want to leave the life that embraced sin. I went to the bars and rationalized that drinking a few beers was okay, and I got involved with a girl immorally.

I continued to leave the door open for Satan while still “knowing” the Truth of Christ. But I had never committed to living my whole life under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. After breaking up with the girl, I used crack again for a while and finally after years of my mom praying for me and wanting me to go to rehab, I submitted to her and went to Transformation Life Center. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life—seriously. I finally committed to surrender my life to Jesus Christ. 

Through TLC, God gave me the opportunity to actually live life again. Before TLC I was paranoid and oppressed by Satan and his demons. When the Bible mentions witchcraft in Galatians 5:19 as one of the obvious acts of the sinful nature, the Greek word used is pharmakea, from which we get our word pharmacy. I looked it up in a Bible dictionary, and it said the meaning of pharmakea was the magic arts and the use of drugs. Using drugs (even and especially marijuana), brings you into a realm of satanic influence.

Galatians 5:20 also mentions drunkenness as being sin. I needed to realize that because I have struggled with addiction, I can’t rationalize as I did before. I was wrong to think that drinking a beer or two would be okay, and that it wouldn’t lead me into the temptation to get drunk. Sometimes even though I didn’t feel drunk, I was.

What I failed to do before TLC is focus on the goodness of the Lord and on His presence. In Hebrews 12 the writer tells us to “fix our eyes on Jesus Christ the author and perfector of our faith.” I grew up in a Christian home and knew the Lord before TLC, but never fully surrendered my life to Him. The Creator who wrote my genetic code is more than worthy of my obedience.

The Lord has delivered me from addiction and so much more—from Satan’s bondage and from the bondage of sin and death. Today I am free in Christ as I live in repentance and have true peace and joy. That’s more than a fact. It’s a miracle. God convicted me. “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” (Luke 6:46 ESV)

I have been out of TLC for a while now, and the Lord continues to work in my life in a mighty way. I need to keep my focus on God and reject sin and temptation. God awaits us with open arms. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” In Romans 6 Paul tells us that His grace, though, is not a license for us to sin.

God’s goodness is truly so much better than anything else. Our minds can’t always fathom that, but we can know that it is true. God instructs us to live a life that is built on the rock following Him, not on the sand living for our lusts and evil desires. He instructs us to repent in Mark 1:15. This means to humble ourselves before the Lord, and turn from sin to live for Him.

I’ve gotten involved with my church, Bible studies, and Campus Crusade for Christ. It’s been a lot of fun, and it is necessary to be rooted in Christ with brothers and sisters in the Lord (Hebrews 10:25). I also continue to go to TLC every Thursday night and it’s an awesome experience that truly helps my walk with the Lord.

It takes discipline and a focus on God to live for Him. It’s the life He wants for everybody, and it’s the only right way. In John 14:6 Jesus says, “I am the way the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” John 1:3 says of Jesus, “All things were made through Him. Without Him nothing was made.” It’s only by the power of the Holy Spirit that I can live for God. I’m so thankful for the powerful, cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, and that He has brought me out of darkness into His Way—the Truth.

(You can visit Tranformation  Life Center on-line)

I Did it Again

Guest post by Denise Morales

I did it again! I know I shouldn't have done it. I though I was over it. I have come so far and yet I felt so discouraged. I felt a failure. I hit a road block--a brick wall. My daughter needs a car and help purchasin one and I have such little money. In spite of my efforts to save: clipping coupons,  no credit card bills, and bargain hunting. Still, the savings account is still insuffieient.

If I were a recovering alcoholic, I would have a drink; if I were a drug addict, I might relapse, but I am neither of these--my sin of choice is--overeating! To descibe myself as a glutton seems fooolish. Sure I'm about ten lbs. overweight, maybe even fifteen, and after tongiht, well, maybe even more. Obesity is not the only sign of gluttony. There are some overeaters who lapse and have little weight gain.

It's almost 2 a.m. and I have heartburn. My teeth feel like they are sugar coated. I was using food to alleviate my frustration. It is a poor substitute. I feel childish and ashamed. At 56, I should have known better. What was I looking for in everything I ate: the death by chocolate, the low fat crackers, the bag of popcorn, the pizza, the bag of ornage slice and gumdrops, which did me in!

I couldn't find what I was looking for in these. I felt like garbage--my sugar rush kicked me in the stomach. I was a bad role model to my two children, teen girls no less.Oh I took full resonsiibility for all those wasted caloires and stored them instead of vomitting them, but it still doesn't justify any of it.

So what did I do? First I recognized it as sin--inspite of the reasons for doing it. I put garbage in God's temple which is obvious enough. However, my greatest weakness was to give in to discouragement . I did not trust God to provide. I cried today as I looked at my eighteen year old daughter through a dirty window working in a used clothing store to pay for her college books. It is sad that she has to work her way though community college with the brains she has. Yet, I was happy that she was a hard worker, a smart girl who was not afraid to work for a living. I only wish I could have helped her--but I ate instead.

I had to trust God to meet her needs, whether she sees His hand at work or not. I had to trust Him to be her provider. I had to expect God to do for her what I could not do. All the food I consumed did nothing but show me my lack of trust and faith! One of his names is Jehovah Jirah, my provider. He will provide everything I need. I'm running into His loving arms and asking for forgiveness and help to trust Him more each day.

No More Destruction: Mike’s Story

This is a story from the Book Transformed--Inspiring Stories of Freedom that illustrates the power of God to change lives!
 
I grew up in Lodi, New Jersey with a good family. I was an only child and spoiled with affection. Though my parents were divorced when I was seven, I had a good relationship with them. I didn’t have an absent father, but he wasn’t present emotionally, even though he does love me. I started smoking weed when I was fourteen because I was looking for something else, something spiritual to view the world differently. I didn’t experiment with any other drugs in high school.

I went to church up until I was seventeen, but once I got my car, I stopped attending church. After graduating from high school, I went to college for a year and worked at a pharmacy and started using oxycontin. That’s how it all started. I did that for a year and then graduated from there to heroin.  It’s been a downhill ride ever since.

I had to keep hitting lower and lower bottoms. Every time I hit bottom, I continued with drugs because I thought I could find a successful way of using. It became my idol.  I worshipped it in what I did, through my actions, and what I thought. I became homeless and was living in a cardboard box over the summer of 2005. I was still getting high. I had a girlfriend who was using also, and she enabled me. I had the bare minimum to survive, and that was all that mattered. 

In the summer of 2007, I got clean from heroin and lived at home. Ever since then, up until summer of 2008, I’d cycle on and off drugs—using for a couple of months and then getting clean. I had a year clean from heroin, and then I relapsed again in June of 2008. I realized I needed a long term residential program.

I had done twenty-eight day programs, hospitals, countless detoxes, Narcotics Anonymous meetings—nothing worked because I didn’t participate. As soon as the meeting was over, I bounced. NA’s focus is on physical sobriety, but there are many types of addictions that keep us in bondage, such as an addiction to sex. I needed more than what NA offered.

I heard about Transformation Life Center from my mother’s nephew who graduated from this program, and she told me about it. At first I didn’t want to go, six months was too much time. But after having burned so many bridges—quitting my job and dropping out of school, I had nothing else to do. I actually quit work and school on purpose so I wouldn’t have any other options because I knew what the results would be if I continued to use heroin. I went through it enough times to know what happens. I wanted to back myself into a corner. I was at home for two months waiting to get into TLC.  I wasn’t getting high, but I was on a medication they give you at detox. It was easy to be home, but I knew I needed to go to a program.

Finally, I got into the program, and I knew the struggle would begin. I went through a month of physical withdrawals. It was very uncomfortable the first couple of weeks. The first two months I was here, I was convinced I would only do three months. I didn’t have any big breakthroughs. I already knew God because of the shelters I went to before. I started to know Him there. But then when I got here, I was trying to give myself the best chance of really recovering. I decided to stay so I could break the habit of not completing what I start. There were times I considered leaving, but I stayed because after all these years I understood myself—when I most wanted to leave is when I most needed to stay.

Here at TLC, I’ve learned to submit. I use to blow up when I was told to do something, but little by little I’ve learned to submit. I’ve used this as a real world exercise. There will be people in the world I don’t get along with, so I’m trying to endure this. I really understand that ultimately God’s in control. I’m trying to do what’s right, as far as I understand it.

I’ve been here eight months and I’m in the second phase of the program as a Resident Assistant. I thought the RA program would be something very different than what it’s turned out to be. I thought I was going to have a lot more time for myself and going home. Because of this, it’s taught me patience. Sometimes things don’t seem fair; I feel entitled to something better. But during these two months, I’ve been stretched a lot. I feel I’ve grown, especially after this one incident.

One Friday I was suppose to go home, but I hadn’t handed in my homework. I was told I couldn’t go home. Usually the punishment is applied after you get back, but not this time. So when I called home, they weren’t fazed by it. I realized maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal as I was making it. This incident helped me focus on myself, and what I need to do. I wanted to put the blame on someone else, but I finally came to grips with it after I calmed down. I came to the realization that if I would have handed in the homework on time, I would have been able to go. I learned an important lesson about consequences.

All the things that are in the world are here at TLC also, but that’s good too. Here I’ve learned to deal with my emotions in a protected environment. I came here with a lot of Bible knowledge, but I was being a hypocrite. It’s helped me learn not to react to things, to take a step back, see all the angles, and get a bigger perspective.

If I were a parent who suspected my child was doing drugs, my advice would be to talk to your child. Give them a drug test and educate yourself as much as you can about drug addiction. There’s something else going on in their life. The addict doesn’t realize what that is, especially at the beginning stages. Spend time with them and see if they’ll talk to you about it. No one can make them stop; they have to want it for themselves, but you can help.

I hope my testimony will help other addicts. Take what you can out of it. Drugs are not worth the temporary high; they can destroy you. They aren’t worth the consequences. Ultimately, drugs prevent you from facing your problems and responsibility. They create more problems that you need to deal with later on. The longer you’re in the cycle, the harder it is to get out of it. You don’t need drugs.

God is sufficient. His provisions are enough. I’m learning to believe that fully. I know my drug addiction has been terrible, but I know God works all things together for good. Now I know Jesus, and that is good. I could have had a normal life, but my spiritual eyes would have been closed. I wouldn’t have seen the spiritual condition I was in, and for this I’m thankful.

What Can We Do About Addiction?

It's such a beautiful day today outside in contrast to all the sad news on Yahoo. It's got me thinking aobut Amy Winehoouse's death...just 27 years old. Do I think she died of a drug overdose? Yes, even though the articles say it's not.I don't believe them. If not an overdose, I'll be surprised if drugs weren't in the mix. Anyway, we lose thousands of both young and old people to drugs, not only by death, but in robbing  people of full lives. America and the World is losing it's war on drugs, if there ever really ever was one. Why?

Of course there are many factors...kids, teens, young adults with too much time, too much at their disposable, too much focus on the external and achieving, too much freedom and not enough of God in people's lives. Unfortunately religion is at fault too. Jesus was not religious. He was about relationships. Our small little community church has tapped into that. Kids, teens, adults...it doens't matter who you are need relationships, but many have gone sour in the good ole USA. So why is religion partly responsible?

We, they, I'm not pointing fingers because we make up the collective of what is termed The United States. We've gone out of focus like a blurry photograph. We're ot seeing thngs clary if we're not in relationship with God. For some of you that struck a nerve for others an Amen. We need God in our lives. He's the one who desinged life and without Him it's pretty obvioius we're messing up--badly! We need God as our heavenly father, mentor and guide to the universe.

We live in such a big world these days it's sometimes difficult for us to mange living in it, but if we can climb up on our Father's lap, we'll find love and comfort there.So that's going to eliminate drug use? No entirely of course, but it would ceratinly help for kids and teens to know that they're not just plopped here to burn out and do whatever they want...that leads to excess and eventually depression and emptiness.

We need God, not religion, but a meaningful relationship with God...and not just the old man upstairs or the benign ruler. We need to know the fullness of God, the majesty and awesomeness of God that will knock the complasency out of religion and get us into our communties connecting with youth and those in need...not just to help them on a social level, but let's get down to their real needs...not just their physical needs for food, clothing and shelter, but the cry of humanity for meaning.

Sartre, camus and the other existentialists I read in college left me empty handed and they continue to do so. We need to give our youth and the Amy Winehouse's of today something meatier to chew on...not just the nebulous force of "Star Wars" or the life giving prana of Eastern religion, though there is a form of peace and godliness, we need to get back to pure religion...right relationship with God. Tell me what you think.

From Gang Leader to God Seeker Part 2

Read part 1 in the earlier post. Here's the last part of the story:

Thirty days before my parole was up, I started dealing drugs again. I felt conflicted. I didn’t want to get caught dealing and be sent away for life, but I needed the money. I knew I had to stop, but I didn’t know how. My motives were all wrong.

I remember the day before Thanksgiving; I asked my wife to drop me off while I went to the store down the road. But I wasn’t going to the store, I was going to make a drug deal. I met the guy a few blocks away and made the transaction. As I was walking back I noticed this white guy step into the street. He looked suspicious as he turned towards me and then asked me what I was doing. As it turned out he was from the prosecutor’s office. It had been a set-up and he found the drugs on me.

I was put in an unmarked car with tinted windows, and we drove down the road past where my wife was waiting for me outside the car. My heart sank. I’ll never forget the fearful look on her face. I was being taken to prison again, and she wouldn’t know until she was told by someone else. I remember feeling devastated at the thought of what this would do to my family.

Back in jail, I got the drugs out of my system and got clean. Then one day I distinctly heard God tell me, “If you leave here and do the same thing, you will die.” I was a little taken aback by how clear this message came across, but I told the Lord, “If you get me though this, I’ll serve you whole heartedly.” From that day on, I submitted to God. I experienced a radical change in my life.

 I started praying and reading the Bible every night in my dorm. At this point in time I was living with seventy other guys who respected and feared me as a leader of a powerful gang. But then God did something radically different as these men realized the change in my life. I began helping any new guys who entered the facility. I gave them food, tried to get them well, and offered reassurance. I kept order in the dorm.

Other gang members wanted to know why I took these actions. I told them about God. They asked questions, lots of questions. I began leading them in Bible studies. At first for just a few guys, then more came to join. They witnessed the love of God in me. That’s when I started becoming the man God wanted me to be. Not long after, God started moving on my behalf. I was facing a possible fifteen-year term, but then the courts dropped the distribution charge and changed it to possession instead. I was going to be released soon!

I called my former boss and he wanted me back on the job as soon as I was free, but my pastor stopped by and talked to me about a drug rehab called Transformation Life Center. She asked me how I’d feel about going there, and I said I’d agree to go if it’s what God wants for me. She gave me the number of the intake counselor, but I never made the call. I didn’t want to go through the trouble of paying for a calling card, so I disregarded the idea. Something strange followed.

 Thereafter, each week the police would come down to bring me to the warden, but I had never submitted a request. I thought they were setting me up, so I made the decision not to go. After the third week of this they told me I didn’t have a choice; I had to go because someone was trying to contact me, so I went. (This is highly unusual, as they don’t often allow prisoners this privilege.) Anyway, they persuaded me to call TLC, and I spoke with the intake counselor.

He told me I needed some information and explained the program cost. I told him I didn’t have any money, and I didn’t have all the information he needed, but he persisted and asked if he could interview me over the phone. I said yes.

A week later I was scheduled to be released. It all happened so fast. Within an hour I saw the judge, and I was sentenced to three years probation. Then the papers were signed, and I was released. I was shocked, as this was usually an all day process. I didn’t understand what was happening.

As the gate lifted up for my release, I stepped out and my pastor pulled up. She told me someone from TLC was here and would accept me, RIGHT NOW. I thought about the promise I made to God and said, “I’ll do it.” I went straight there, and I’ve been there for almost a year. God has blessed me so much for coming here and staying.

It’s amazing what God has done in the past year. He’s restored me to my wife and family. She works in the ministry at Walter Hoving Home, and we do partner ministry together. Now that I’m in the Resident Assistant Program, I can visit her most weekends. Although both my sons are still in gangs, God has mended our relationship. My youngest was the most bitter towards me because I was in jail his entire life. He has started coming to church and is learning about God. He’s open to the Word of God.

God has opened doors for me both in New York and New Jersey. After I graduated first phase, I was offered a scholarship to Somerset College for Christian counseling. I’ve also been offered a home for my family and the chance to be part of a ministry. I was about to take advantage of one of these opportunities, but God told me to be still. So I listened and went into the second phase, one of leadership.

Here at TLC I work with a lot of guys who have just come in. I understand the drug dealer mentality, the streetwise mentality, so I just give them a big hug and take them under my wing. They need a lot of love and time to sort things out. I try to show them the love of God and lead by example. I think the guys look up to me and respect me because they know what I came from, and they realize how God has changed me.

In two weeks I will graduate from the Resident Assistant phase. I’m waiting to hear what God has planned for me to do. I know people’s lives have been changed by my testimony, and I’m tempted to return to my hometown, but God has been preparing me here.  It was hard when I graduated from the first phase to say no to the offers, but I know I need to wait on God. In the past I was prideful. I need to let God work humility in my life. He has shown me it’s not about me; it’s all about Him. He needs to keep me in my place. If I take a position before God wants me to, pride might seep in. I am aware that if that happens, I’d be done-in. So I’m careful to listen and obey. I want to do things God’s way, not mine.

This is a total reversal from how I lived my life for over thirty years. I understand that’s what transformation is all about. It’s the power of God to change lives—from gang leader to God seeker.

From Gang Leader to God Seeker

Here is an excerpt from one of the stories in Transformed. If you're interested in reading the rest of the story, e-mail me at anitawriter7@yahoo.com

Everyone calls me Kay—though my last name means little, I never did things in a small way. I thought I was a big shot, until God got a hold of me. Here’s my story.

I grew up in Paterson, NJ in the 70’s. Gangs ran rampant in my neighborhood, and I revered them and what they represented. Though I went to church with my grandmother as a child, at the age of fourteen, I decided I wanted everything the world had to offer—money, power, and prestige. I joined a gang, started doing drugs, and then dealing them. I was brainwashed by the values of the world. By the age of seventeen I was brought under the wings of organized crime and made a killing.

I was flying high—doing whatever I wanted and living in one penthouse after another in New York City. By the time I reached the age of twenty-one, I was a millionaire, supplying New York and New Jersey with enough drugs to keep me rolling in dough. I was married and had two sons who were raised to idolize me and my hard-hitting way of life.

At twenty-five, it all came crashing down on me. I was busted and sentenced to a maximum-security prison for a very long time. I watched my kids grow up from behind bars, and they saw what my lifestyle brought me to—a dead end. I wanted them to learn from my mistakes. I had gone to college but dropped out because I didn’t see any reason to continue. I was making millions back then supplying drugs, but I also had skills as a carpenter and auto mechanic, my sideline career.

While in prison, I was known as a tough guy, a leader of a prominent gang who didn’t put up with anyone’s crap. People respected and feared me. I’d watch people die every day—fights, stabbings, being burned, you name it, I saw it. Prison has its own rules that most people will never know about. I thought I was tough and that’s why I survived, but really it was God protecting me.

At the age of thirty-nine I was released on parole and promised God I would serve Him. I went back to my family and started working, two jobs in fact. I wanted to stay clean, off drugs, and I did—for a while. But then I got overwhelmed. I started using heroin again to escape; it also gave me the energy I needed to work harder. I was running myself ragged. I needed more money to get more drugs, and I needed more drugs to keep me going. I’d promised my family I wouldn’t do drugs again, but I got caught in a vicious cycle.

Breaking Free

What keeps you in bondage? Trials, temptation, the love of money, hate? Have you made your own prison—bound by the traditions of men, the love of power or self-gratification? My Son broke all the chains of sin, but the enemy of your soul, Satan, would keep you bound.

Addictions run rampant in a society who turns its back on God’s offer of freedom. Man makes addictions out of everything—from food to family, drugs to alcohol, money to power. Only the Holy Spirit can break the stronger addictions of man’s mind and body. Freedom from the dictates of the almighty self is one of the greatest freedoms found in all of mankind. Only the Son of God can offer this true freedom. His arms are wide open. Won’t you be set free?